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Saturday, January 9, 2010

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Imagination Story which Includes Cagney Part 3

Raphael comes in at that moment and says to Homer, “Besides, Homer, you’re taking us to see Animal Crackers in September…” Raphael continues, “… (To Bart) After seeing Animal Crackers, Bart, we’re going to see Sinner’s Holiday, which has James Cagney but he’s not the star. It’s his film debut. And then we’re going to see Doorway to Hell, which is another early James Cagney movie but he’s not the star either.” Homer asks, “Oh, so I’m taking you guys? Okay, I can do that! (To Maggie) Still, Maggie, Daddy won’t make you watch Jimmy Cagney.” Maggie says, “No! No Cag’ey movies at all!” Lisa says to her, “Maggie, Daddy will put his hands over your eyes and you can put your fingers in your ears.” Bart says, “But we’re still gonna see a James Cagney movie! (To Raphael) ‘Sides, Raphael, where are we gonna see Animal Crackers and Sinner’s Holiday and The Doorway to Hell?” Raphael says, “We’re going to Aberdare, Wales; Dun Laoghaire, Ireland; Halfax, Nova Scotia, Canada; and Boise, ID.” Lisa says, “What about our summer trip? Where are we gonna go for that?” Raphael says, “For our summer trip in July and August, we are going to Chicago, IL; St. Louis, MO; New Orleans, LA; Milwaukee, WI; Minneapolis, MI; Houston, TX; Portland, OR; Seattle, WA; and San Francisco, CA.” The Simpsons all cheer ecstatically (well, except Marge and Grampa since they are not present). That night, Bart reminisces about how he, his mother Marge, and youngest sister Maggie went to Los Angeles, CA, from January to mid-February 1937 to watch the filming of the Marx Brothers movie A Day at the Races; he has an evocative dream of when he and Maggie went off the MGM lot one day in early February 1937 to see James Cagney (Bart actually forced Maggie to go with him because she didn’t really want to go see Jimmy Cagney as she is afraid of him). While watching a rather boring shoot of a scene of A Day at the Races on a soundstage on the MGM lot, a bored Bart says, “It’s time to get out of this yawn factory. (To Maggie) C’mon, Maggie! Let’s go see Jimmy Cagney!” Maggie protests, “I don’t wanna see Jim Cag’ey.” Bart says, “Oh c’mon, Maggie! I don’t wanna sit around here and be bored to tears! If the Marx Brothers ain’t gonna entertain us, then James Cagney will. ‘Member when we saw a rather sucky Marx Brothers movie back in 1940 and came outta the moviehouses with disappointed faces? Well, when we went to see James Cagney in The Fighting 69th and City for Conquest, he lifted our spirits up with our high-spiritedness! Although we actually did see Boom Town after seeing the unfunny Marx Brothers movie so we eventually came outta the moviehouses in the many cities we went to satisfied. But still, Jimmy Cagney did lift our spirits! You just have particularly bad memories of him in movies where he shoots people, Mags.” Maggie says, “He scares me.” Bart says, “I heard that he is a nice man in real life. You’ll see: Once you see him, Maggie, you ain’t gonna be ‘fraid of him. C’mon…” Bart continues, “…Let’s catch a streetcar to Beverly Hills.”He puts Maggie in her stroller and runs off the MGM lot while pushing her. The kids then wait at a nearby streetcar stop for a streetcar to Beverly Hills. Just then, Bart spots a black person walking across the street and says, “Wow! A black man! You don’t see a lotta them around here.” At that moment, the streetcar to Beverly Hills arrives at the stop. Bart and Maggie get on the streetcar excitedly (Maggie, however, suffers from Bart struggling to pull her up the steps). At the streetcar stop in Beverly Hills, while trying to get Maggie and her stroller off the streetcar, Bart accidentally tips the stroller over even before the wheels reach the sidewalk. Consequently, Maggie falls into the dirty, cigarette-filled gutter and cries very loudly. Bart picks her up out of the gutter with the help of some people, while avoiding to bump her on the streetcar but is unsuccessful when Maggie accidentally bumps her head. The little tyke cries some more as her brother puts her in her stroller and says, “Oh, Maggie! I’m sorry!” A weary Bart pushes a wailing Maggie in her stroller on the street while finding a tourist brochure stand. Once Bart comes across a tourist brochure stand, he looks for a map to movie stars’ homes until a man whom he swears to God is James Cagney passes by. He asks the proprietor of the stand, “Hey, man! Who was that guy who just passed by?” The proprietor says, “Why I believe that was Jimmy Cagney. You wanna go on a tour of movie stars’ homes?” Bart says, “No thanks. I gotta go see a movie star!” He then pushes Maggie away from the stand and follows James Cagney furtively. Of course, Maggie is still crying so she makes hers and Bart’s presence obvious to James Cagney, who turns around to see who is following him. Bart immediately stops walking and pretends to be calming down Maggie. James Cagney starts walking again and Bart says to Maggie, “Shut up, Maggie!” Maggie stops crying and Bart starts following James Cagney again. James Cagney stops walking and turns around again to check to make sure that nobody is following him. Once again, Bart stops walking and pretends to mind his own business. Cagney starts walking again and Bart starts following him again. Bart follows James Cagney all the way to his house without the actor turning around anymore. At the actor’s home, Bart runs up to James Cagney and says, “Hi, Jim Cagney. My name is Bart and (points at Maggie) that’s my lil’ sister, Maggie Simpson.” James Cagney shakes his hand and says, “How do you do?” He waves at Maggie, who stares at him uncomfortably. Bart asks the actor, “You working on any new films right now, Jimmy?” James Cagney says, “No, not right now. But I just finished working on a film a couple months ago.” Bart asks, “At Warner Bros.?” Cagney says, “No, at Grand National.” Bart says, “Okay. I ain’t heard of that studio.” Cagney says, “It’s an independent studio. So what are you doing?” Bart says, “We wanted to see you! Can you let us come inside your house?” Cagney says, “Sure but don’t touch anything inside.” Bart pushes Maggie in her stroller up the door stoop and into Cagney’s house. He takes off his shoes at the front door and unstraps Maggie out of her stroller. Once her brother unbuckles her, Maggie holds out her arms for him to carry her because she is afraid of James Cagney. Bart says, “Okay, Maggie, I’ll carry ya. (Grunts as he lifts up the toddler out of the stroller) Damn! You got heavier, girl!” He carries Maggie into the living room; on Bart’s way into the living room, James Cagney approaches him and tries to entertain Maggie, who hides her face in Bart’s shoulder, by making faces at her. Bart says, “Aw! She’s ‘fraid of you, Jimmy!” James Cagney says, “Why is she scared of me?” Bart says, “’Cause she’s seen ya in gangster movies shooting people, Jimmy.” James Cagney says, “But I do more than just gangster movies. Don’t you ever take her to see my other movies? And why would you take a little kid like her to see a gangster movie?” Bart says, “We do take her to see your other movies. But she don’t pay understand your jokes or your romantic approaches. And she don’t pay attention when you dance and sing. I dunno why we take her to a gangster movie; we just don’t think, I s’ppose.” James Cagney then introduces his young guests to his wife, who asks them, “Would you kiddies like something to eat?” The two Simpson kids beam, “Sure!” Maggie still clings to Bart as he carries her and follows Mrs. Cagney to the kitchen. James Cagney sits with his young guests at the kitchen table and watches them as they eat his wife’s many treats (he sits next to Bart, which intimidates Maggie even more). Mrs. Cagney asks Maggie, who is sitting in her brother’s lap, “Would you like to sit in another chair, honey?” Maggie clings to her brother’s chest and says, “No.” Bart says, “I think she’s fine sitting on my lap.” Mrs. Cagney says, “All right then.” James Cagney asks his young guests, “So what do you wanna do next, kids?” Bart says, “I dunno. Whaddya like to do for fun, Jim?” James Cagney asks, “You wanna help me garden?” Bart stares at him and guffaws, “You like to garden!?” James Cagney says, “Well, yes. I find it relaxing.” Bart guffaws so much that he almost falls out of chair and almost drops Maggie, who joins him in his little laugh fest by chuckling nervously. Finally, Bart stops guffawing and says to James Cagney, “Okay, I’ll help ya, despite the danger of looking fruity.” James Cagney says, “Okay, then come outside with me. Maggie can come too.” Bart says, “All right then. You water, I dig. (To Maggie)…” Bart continues, “Okay, Mags. Go into Jimmy’s arms while I dig up the dirt.” As Bart hands her over to Cagney, Maggie hangs onto his neck and shouts, “No! No!” Bart says, “Well, I guess I can hold her while I dig.” Cagney says, “You can but it’s gonna be difficult.” While digging, Bart says to James Cagney, “You know, Jim, we didn’t always bring Maggie to your gangster movies. Sometimes, my foster brother Raphael took her to a movie house around the next block or so to see a Shirley Temple movie during the dramatic scenes of your gangster movies. Like one time when we saw G-Men back in 1935, Raphael took Maggie to ‘nother movie house ‘round the block to see Shirley Temple movies Curly Top and The Little Colonel when one of the shooting scenes came on…” Bart continues, “…But ‘cause Shirley Temple didn’t really make no movies in 1933, when we saw your dramatic movies Picture Snatcher and Mayor of Hell, it was a case of every baby for herself for Maggie. So my sister Lisa put her hands over Maggie’s eyes during the scenes where the kids threw a riot.” Cagney asks, “Did you try to find another film she could watch?” Bart says, “No. Even though there was a couple of good movies out, Raphael knew Maggie would find ‘em either too scary or too boring.” Despite hindering her brother from using a shovel with both hands to dig up the dirt since he is carrying her, Maggie picks up another shovel and helps her brother dig up the dirt. Just then, Bart stops shoveling and asks, “Oh my God! What is it? (Grabs James Cagney’s wrist and looks at his watch) 4:51pm!? We’ve been gone from the studio for almost three hours now! We gotta be back at the studio afore our mom notices we’re gone!” James Cagney says, “I can drive you back. What studio is it?” Bart says, “MGM Studios. We’re gonna see some of your movies at the Pico Drive-In and they don’t start ‘til 6:00 so we hafta be there on time.” James Cagney says, “Okay, then get in the car.” Bart grabs his stuff and Maggie’s stroller as well as her stuff, puts them in the trunk of James Cagney’s car, puts Maggie in the back seat and sits in the front seat so he can be next to one of his favorite stars. James Cagney gets in the car, starts the engine and drives his young guests back to MGM Studios in Culver City. It only takes James Cagney 15 minutes to drive to the MGM studio lot, where in front of the gate stands a furious Marge, a rather unhappy Harpo Marx and a Groucho Marx and Chico Marx who are just as unhappy. Bart grimaces at the grim prospect and says to James Cagney, “Well, thanks for the ride, Jimmy. Good bye.” He hugs James Cagney, gets out of the car, opens the trunk, gets his and Maggie’s stuff out of there, and then takes Maggie out of the car. Maggie immediately squirms out of her brother’s arms and runs over to her mother and Harpo Marx. Red green season's greetings Marge picks her little daughter up and says with relief, “Oh my sweet little baby! (Hugs and kisses her baby daughter) You’re okay! I was so worried about you and your brother! (To Bart who approaches her) Bart, where have you and Maggie been?” Bart says, “Well, we got bored so we decided to go see James Cagney. That was him in the car that just pulled up and dropped us off… (Pauses when he sees that James Cagney’s car is gone) …And just drove away.” Marge hands Maggie over to Harpo Marx and hugs plus kisses her son and says, “Well, thank goodness you’re okay, my special little guy…” Marge continues, “…Was that really James Cagney who drove you here? I shoulda met him before he drove off. Maybe he didn’t want fans mobbing around his car.” Harpo asks Bart, “So Bart, I suppose you don’t wanna see The Crowd Roars and Lady Killer tonight since you just saw James Cagney?” Bart says, “No, I do! I really do! Please?!” Harpo says, “Well, okay. But don’t run away like that next time! You nearly gave us a scare, especially your mother! She almost killed us and nearly blew her brains out!” Maggie says, “James Cagney scared me!” Chico says, “I’m sure he didn’t hurt you.” Groucho says, “I never seen that man beat a little kid in any of his movies. Then again, I never really saw any of his movies.” Marge asks her son, “Why would you drag your little sister to James Cagney’s house in the first place if she doesn’t even like him, Bart? How would you feel if Maggie dragged you to Shirley Temple’s house?” Bart says, “I woulda been so damn bored to death!!” Marge says, “Well, that’s what Maggie probably felt when you dragged her to James Cagney’s house! Actually, she may not have been bored to death but she probably intimated and fearful of James Cagney because he did frightening stuff in his movies…” Marge continues, “…Maggie mainly knows James Cagney as the guy who shoots people, not as the song-and-dance man and comically witty man we also know him as.”
Later, Harpo takes the Simpsons trio to the Pico Drive-In Theater to see the James Cagney movie from 1933—Lady Killer—and another James Cagney movie, this time from 1932—The Crowd Roars—as a double feature. Lady Killer comes on in the first part of the double feature; Marge and Bart get out of Harpo’s car during the previews to get refreshments from the refreshments stand. They come back to the car with lots of refreshments, which are mostly junk food, in their arms. The feature film then comes on, and Bart sits quietly next to Harpo in the front seat. To Bart, the scenes where James Cagney’s character and his new gang open a nightclub; where James Cagney’s character pretends to be hurt after purposely getting hit by a car of an heiress so his gang can sneak in and rob her; where James Cagney’s character find out they got caught and are about to be arrested for the heist until they decide to escape from the city; where James Cagney’s character and his girlfriend are in a Chicago train station and are looking at brochures at different places to decide on where they want to go next until Cagney decides to play roulette with a globe… …Where he throws his gum at any random city on the globe and wherever the gum lands, that’s where the couple goes (the gum lands on Los Angeles so that’s where the couple on the lam goes)… …And the scene where James Cagney and his girlfriend arrive in LA and find that the California sunshine that they’ve been looking forward to isn’t nothing but fog and rain are all ho-hum…until the film gets to the exciting scenes when the James Cagney character gets a job playing pit parts in movies. Everyone, except Maggie, is awed by James Cagney playing an Indian chief in a headdress. Bart really finds it funny when James Cagney discovers his ex-girlfriend, the broad from the gang, in his apartment when he brings in his new girlfriend, a famous actress, to show her the place. Bart bursts out laughing when after the new girlfriend leaves the apartment (and dumps James Cagney), the famous, versatile actor confronts his ex and drags her out of his apartment while literally pulling her hair; however, Harpo Marx is just appalled by the cruel, misogynistic act of Cagney’s character. Marge says to her children and host, “I thought the new girlfriend was gonna dump him when he gave her all those crazy things for her birthday.”



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Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Little Extra Snippet from My Imagination Story

Three months later (April), at Hilter’s Munich apartment, Bart and Lisa watch an episode of The Jerry Springer Show where two lesbians from Nebraska are fighting with a state attorney general to keep their young son, whom they adopted from Romania. Bart asks, “I don’t get it. Why are those two dykes fighting the Nebraska state attorney general for custody over their Romanian son?” Lisa says, “’Cause supposedly gay people have no rights in Nebraska, but I don’t believe that’s true; gay people have rights in every state, ‘cept maybe Utah or Texas. Anyway, don’t call those lesbians dykes, Bart.” On the TV, Jerry Springer says to the lesbians... “…Ladies, we have the Nebraska Supreme Court listening backstage. Let’s bring ‘em on out here: the Nebraska Supreme Court, everybody!” The studio audience claps and yells as the state judges and seven state justices come out from backstage. After loud and raucous arguing, the lesbians finally win over the state Supreme Court and state attorney general. The judge says to the lesbians, “By the powers invested in me by the State of Nebraska, I hereby grant you custody over your son." The lesbians and studio audience all cheer with joy and the show then cuts to commercial. During the commercial break, Lisa asks her brother, “So, Bart, are you gonna get Hitler a pig for his birthday like you said last year?” Bart says, “Yes, I am. In fact, I already ordered it. But I don’t reckon I’m gonna get him the horse next year. I might just get him a rooster ‘stead.” Lisa says, “You can give the horse to me. I’ll ride it and groom it and take care of it more than Hitler will.” Bart says, “No! The horse is gonna get me into more trouble than the calf and goat—and probably the pig will too—did put together.” Lisa asks, “Well, anyway, when are you getting the pig?” Bart says, “I already got it. I hid it in your closet in the guest room.” Lisa says, “Wow! Then no wonder I’ve been hearing snorting sounds at night. I thought Grampa had sinus problems.” Bart grimaces and says, “Ew! Thank God he didn’t.”


(Skip ahead two conversations later)



Homer asks, "Are we gonna tell Hitler this time?" Raphael says, "No. He might be too busy arguing with his niece. (Hears Hitler and his niece Geli arguing out in the hallway) Speaking of which, that's what they're doing right now!" Bart says, "Oh boy, I love to hear a nice, juicy argument coming outta those two!" Maggie says, "Me too!" Homer says to his two children, "C'mon, kids! Let's go watch and listen to the argument." Lisa says, "Well, Raphael and I gotta go. Have fun watching your lil' show!" She and Raphael leave Homer, Bart, and Maggie be so they can watch as well as listen to Hitler and Geli argue about the latter being constantly controlled by the former when they go out. Yet, Hitler and his niece stop arguing when they see the former's foster children and Homer approach them. Hitler asks his foster son, "Yes, Bart, what do you want?" Bart says, "I don't want anything, Adolf. I just came over here to watch and listen to you guys argue. So whatcha arguing about?" Geli continues the argument with her uncle, "You let him (pointing at Bart) have freedom when we go out! H's the one who gets into mischief all the time! I don't get into any mischief so why can't you let me have any freedom?" Hitler says, "It's because Bart knows that if he ever gets under my skin, he gets the whip! And so far, he has been getting it. But at least, he doesn't chase after girls flirt with them! You see, Geli, you're a fllirtatious type--" Geli interrupts him, "If I can flirt with boys, I can! You don't want me to get hurt, I understand! But you shouldn't send chaperones with me whenever I go out on a date. And they shouldn't take the baby (pointing at Maggie) with them just to keep me from talking about sex! And you shouldn't inflict me with a curfew!" Hitler shouts, "I can inflict you with a curfew whenever I want!" Bart shouts in favor of Hitler, "Yeah, you tell her, Adolf!" Hit;er says, "You keep out of this, Bart!" The Simpson trio continue watching the argument between Hitler and his niece with relish. Amidst all the shouting, the Simpson trio only pick up a snippet of the argument. Geli shouts to her uncle, "You treat me like your prisoner more than your niece, Uncle Adi!" In response, Hitler raves about how he takes Geli to wherever she pleases. Bart says to him, "But I don't really like it when you take her everywhere we go, Adolf." Hitler gives him a look of warning and he cowers back by sitting down. Bart then says, "By the way, Adolf, I already got your birthday present." Hitler harshly flogs him with his whip; Bart protects himself by putting his arm across his head. He shouts, Ow, Adolf! Why did you hit me?!" Hitler says, "Don't interrupt me when I'm in the middle of things!" Bart shouts, "Dude, what the hell!? I just told you I bought your birthday present!" Hitler says, "That's good, Bart, but now I' in the middle of something important."

Friday, November 6, 2009

My Imagination Story which includes Cagney continued
















This time, Bart’s Historical Dream continues; instead of going back to the 1960s, when the Simpson kids have families of their own, the Historical Dream goes back to the 1930s, when the Simpson children are living with their parents in Danville, Kentucky. In September 1934, while Bart is visiting Hitler in Germany, Lisa (who is now 10) and Raphael (who is now 13) are bored playing in their tire swing one hot day. Raphael asks, “Ya wanna go to the movies?” Lisa says, “No. There ain’t no Marx Brothers movies out. And I reckon no Shirley Temple movie is out now.” Raphael says, “I didn’t mean no Shirley Temple or Marx Brothers movie; I mean, let’s go see a James Cagney movie.” Lisa says, “A James Cagney movie? No, ‘cause I hate gangster movies! If I ain’t liked The Mayor of Hell and Picture Snatcher, then I ain’t gonna like whatever James Cagney movie we’s ‘bout to see.” Raphael says, “You liked Hard to Handle, Lady Killer, and Footlight Parade.” Lisa says, “You’s right; I did.” Raphael says, “Well, let’s go to the Warner Brothers movie house yonder and see which o’ them James Cagney movies we wanna watch.” Lisa gets off the tire swing and grabs his hand. The children leave the yard but then stop when they see the Klein children (Merrill is now 14, Calvin is now 11, Priscilla is now eight, and Orville is now five) coming up to the front door of the boarding house. Lisa asks, “What are they doin’ here? We ain’t invited ‘em.” Raphael says, “No, but I reckon Orville is comin’ over to play with Maggie. Let’s ask ‘em if they wanna come to the movies with us!” Once the other Klein children exit the boarding house after dropping off their younger brother at the Simpsons’ home, Raphael and Lisa approach them. Lisa asks, “Hi, y’all! We was wonderin’ if y’all would like to come with us to Warner Brothers movie house yonder to see a James Cagney picture?” Priscilla says, “I ain’t ‘lowed to see a James Cagney movie. My mommy reckons Cagney is too violent and scary for me.” Merrill says, “It’s true. She had nightmares when we done taken her to see James Cagney in The Public Enemy a couple o’ years ‘go.” Raphael says, “But Cagney ain’t always violent and scary. He can be funny and romantic at times.” Calvin says, “We still ain’t ‘lowed to take her to a James Cagney movie, no matter how funny or romantic the guy is! We’s still gonna come to the movies with y’all but we dunno what to do with Priscilla.” Lisa says, “Well, she ain’t gonna stay at our place ‘cause our folks are too busy with Maggie and Orville.” Merrill says, “And she ain't gonna walk home by herself. That means I gotta walk her home and walk them dangerous streets by myself to meet y'all at the movie house. Ma don't like it when we walk on them streets alone.” Raphael says, “We oughta just take her. 'Sides, I don't reckon them James Cagney movies that are out are even violent and scary.” Calvin says, “But I don't wanna risk it with our folks, 'specially Pa, who's gonna beat the livin' outta us if we take her.” Priscilla says, “Lemme stay at the Simpsons’ home. I’m gonna keep Maggie and Orville entertained so Mr. and Mrs. Simpson can have time to themselves, ‘cept when they feed us.” Merrill says, “Okay. You can stay at the Simpsons’ home but you hafta promise to be good to Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. And good luck with Maggie and Orville ‘cause they's can get wild and rough. Orville’s still gettin’ o’er his trauma o’ goin’ to kindergarten so he may bite you or pull your hair…” Merrill continues, “…(To Lisa and Raphael) He done that to her plenty o' times afore.” Priscilla says, “Don't worry! I'm gonna do what I did to him when he done that to me afore: I'm gonna slap him.” Calvin says to his little sister, “C’mon, Priscilla; I'm gonna take you back to the Simpsons’ home.” Priscilla and Calvin go inside the boarding house to go back to the Simpsons' home. In a little while Calvin exits the boarding house and the Klein and Simpson children go to the Warner Brothers' moviehouse, which is just around the corner. At the moviehouse, the Simpson and Klein children look at the marquee and try to decide which James Cagney movie to see. Lisa say, “We can either see Jimmy the Gent or Here Comes the Navy.” Raphael says, “Let’s get a double feature so we’s get to see both o’ them movies.” Calvin says, “Thank goodness I done brang 'nough dough. (To the box office vendor) Four tickets for double feature, ma'am.” The vendor says, “The pictures playin’ durin’ the double feature are Jimmy the Gent and Here Comes the Navy, ain't that ‘kay, hon?” Merrill says, “Darn tootin’, ma’am. (To Calvin) Give her the money, Calvin.” Calvin pays for the tickets and gives them to his sister and friends. Before long, the Klein & Simpson children are sitting in the movie theater and watching James Cagney in Jimmy the Gent while eating snacks[1]. Meanwhile, at the Simpsons' home, Priscilla enters Maggie's room, where Orville is playing with a toy train and Maggie (who is now three) is having a tea party with her hand-me-down Raggedy Ann doll. Just then, Orville grabs Raggedy Ann, puts her in front of the train and says, “Oh no! Raggedy Ann's gonna get run o’er by the train!” He runs the train over Raggedy Ann while making sound effects of the doll dying. Maggie snatches Raggedy Ann away from Orville and shouts, “Stop it! Don't do that to Raggedy Ann! She’s gonna rip.” Orville finally notices Priscilla and asks her, “Priscilla, whatcha doin’ here? You ain’t s’pposed to be here!” Priscilla says, “I reckon that, Orville. But our brother and sister went to them movies with Maggie’s brother and sister.” Maggie asks, “Why ain’t ya gone with ‘em?” Priscilla says, “’Cause they was gonna see a James Cagney movie.” Orville says, “Oh. Mama says you ain’t ‘lowed to see his movies.” Maggie asks irrelevantly, “So, whaddya wanna play? I say we play ‘House.’” Orville says, “No way! Let's build a city with them blocks and knock it down with my toy cars!” Priscilla says, “No. I say we have a nice, quiet tea party with Maggie's dolls. (Picks up the Raggedy Ann doll) This must be the Raggedy Ann doll that Calvin done said belonged to Lisa. It still has them mud stains from when she done dropped it in the mud.” Maggie asks, “How didja reckon ‘bout that?” Priscilla says, “Calvin done told me ‘bout it and Lisa done told him ‘bout it.” The kids sent up Maggie’s hand-me-down stuffed animals and dolls for the tea party. As soon as they finish setting up, the kids all sit down for the tea party. While sipping pretend tea, Priscila and Maggie pretend to have a sophisticated conversation. Orville, on the other hand, doesn’t enjoy himself since he is averse to doing such a girly activity. Just then, Marge comes in with a tray of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, applesauce, and grape juice. She says, “Here's lunch for y’all kids: Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, applesauce, and grape juice.” Orville's bored face lightens up when he sees the food and he knocks the tea set off the table so Marge can set the tray down. Marge says, “Why thank you, Orville. (To Priscilla as she sets the tray down on the table) And Priscilla, my lil’ helper, if anythin’ goes wrong with them two, you lemme know.” Priscilla says, “’Kay, Mrs. Simpson! Priscilla continues, “… (Spots Orville grabbing a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and taking the crusts off plus throwing them on the floor) Orville, don’t put them crusts on the floor; put ‘em on the table ‘stead.” Orville rolls his eyes and mumbles something inaudibly under his breath. At that moment, Maggie grabs a bowl of applesauce and gobbles it down. Priscilla says, “Maggie, don’t eat your applesauce like that. Take dainty lil’ bites like this.” She demonstrates for Maggie how to eat properly by taking small bites of her applesauce. Maggie says rebelliously, “I don’t wanna!” She continues wolfing down her applesauce. Priscilla shrugs and then sees that Orville is done with his peanut butter & jelly sandwich but he is not touching his applesauce. She says to him, “Orville, eat your applesauce! (Points at Maggie) Maggie’s eatin’ her applesauce.” Orville whines, “I don't wanna eat this nasty stuff! You ain’t gonna make me!” Priscilla says, “Yes I am! I’m the boss and I order ya to eat your applesauce!” Orville says rebelliously, “You ain’t the boss o’ us!” He then dumps his applesauce all over Priscilla's lap and bites her. Priscilla slaps him across the face and says angrily, “This is my good dress! (Shouts to Homer and Marge) Mr. and Mrs. Simpson-.” Maggie interrupts her, “Shut up! Don’t brang my mommy and daddy up here! (To Orville) C’mon, Orville! Let's tie her up with my jump rope!” She takes her jump rope out of her toy box and grabs one end while Orville grabs the other. The children then put the rope across Priscilla's chest and circle around her, wrapping her in the rope. Orville then ties the two ends together at the back of the chair. Priscilla shouts, “Help! Help!” Orville immediately puts a block in her mouth and says, “Don’t talk! Now be quiet while we draw on them walls!” Priscilla spits out the block and says, “Don’t y’all dare!” The children ignore her and proceed with drawing on the walls. Meanwhile, at the movie theater, in between the double feature of James Cagney movies, the Simpson and Klein kids play a raffle game. During the game, Raphael says to the Klein children, “I dunno why them folks o’ yours ain’t let Priscilla watch them James Cagney movies. The last Cagney movie ain’t even violent; ‘stead, Cagney was so funny.” Lisa says, “Yeah! Priscilla dunno what she’s missin’!” Calvin says, “Ma and Pa reckon James Cagney is too violent for Priscilla; therefore, they’s don’t let her watch him. Even when he’s funny, Cagney can get mighty intense…” Calvin continues, “…He be sayin’ somethin’ funny one minute and the next minute he punchin’ someone in the face. That ain’t somethin’ you’s gonna want your children to see.” Merrill says, “Yeah! I reckon how she’s doin’ now with Maggie and Orville. I hope she done hear my warnin’ ‘bout how wild them lil’ monsters can get.” After the raffle game, the second James Cagney movie, Here Comes the Navy, starts. Concurrently, at the Simpsons’ home, Priscilla releases herself from the chair through a very hard task, which involves untying the jump rope. To make sure Maggie and Orville don’t tie her to the chair with the jump rope again, Priscilla throws the jump rope out the window—right out the front window onto the street. Just then, Maggie and Orville come back from going to the bathroom. Orville spots his sister out of the chair and asks, “Hey, whatcha doin’ outta the chair? How didja get outta there?” Priscilla says, “It’s a long story.” Maggie asks, “Whatcha do with my jump rope?” Priscilla says, “It’s ‘round here somewhere. Y’all gonna look for it later.” Maggie says, “I reckon we gotta take care of ya some other way. (To Orville) Let’s throw blocks at her!” Orville says, “Yeah, and them other toys too!” In a short time, when Orville and Maggie have only thrown a few blocks at Priscilla, Homer comes in and says, “Naptime, kids. (To Priscilla) Priscilla, you keep an eye on ‘em.” At the same time, Maggie and Orville get into the former’s bed and take their nap. While the children take their nap, Priscilla quietly cleans up the mess in the room. A half an hour later, the children wake up from their nap; Maggie immediately gets out her finger-paints. She and Orville use the paints to decorate Priscilla’s face while the mother’s helper naps on the bed. Once Priscilla wakes up, she finds her face a hideous mess from the finger paints and screams while Maggie and Orville laugh. Priscilla exits the bedroom and runs to the kitchen with Orville and Maggie chasing her. Orville shouts, “Come back, Priscilla! We ain’t done decoratin’ your face!” Priscilla says to Homer and Marge hysterically, “Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, I can’t take it! I ain’t takin’ care o’ them lil’ monsters! They’s mighty wild!” Maggie says to her, “Priscilla, I hafta finish gettin’ your face pretty.” Marge says, “Maggie, don’t use them finger paints on Priscilla’s face! (Spots a paint stain on Maggie’s dress) And didja get them paints on your dress? (Maggie nods her head in shame) Bad girl! That was a bad thang to do!” Homer says to Orville, “And it’s almost time for ya to go home! But first I gotta clean your sister’s face.” He takes Priscilla over to the sink to wash off her face; he scrubs real hard with soap and water to get the paint off Priscilla’s face. Just then, the older Simpson and Klein children come in through the doorway. Marge, who is scouring the paint stain off Maggie’s dress, asks, “Hey, kids! How was them Jimmy Cagney movies?” Raphael says, “They was great! Here Comes the Navy was blast!” Lisa says, “And Jimmy the Gent was hilarious!” Calvin says to his little sister, “They wasn’t scary, Priscilla! They mighta had their moments but other than that, they wasn’t scary.” Priscilla runs up to the kids, “You was right, y’all: I can’t handle them two lil’ monsters! They was mighty wild!” Merrill asks, “They was that wild, was they? (To her youngest brother) Orville, whatcha do to Priscilla?” Orville gives his eldest sister an innocent, quizzical look. Homer says, “Bart is gonna be so disappointed when he hears that y’all went to a James Cagney movie without him. I betcha they’s don’t show them James Cagney movies in Germany.” Priscilla says, “I miss Bart. Tell him I said howdy and that I love him.” With that, Homer sits down at the typewriter to write a letter to Bart; in the letter, he tells his son about how the Simpson children, except for Maggie, and the Klein children, except for Priscilla and Orville, went to the movies to see a double-feature of two James Cagney movies. Then, in a P.S. note, Homer tells Bart that Priscilla said howdy and that she loves him and misses him. Next, Homer goes down to the post office to mail his letter to Bart. Several weeks later, in Berlin, Germany, Bart (who is now 12) reads his letter from home and groans with disappointment when he reads his siblings and friends went to see two James Cagney movies without him. He crumbles the letter in frustration but then uncrumbles it to read the rest. Afterwards, he goes to the typewriter to write back to his family; in the letter, he asks his family what James Cagney they saw without him. Then, in a P.S. note, Bart tells his family to tell Priscilla that he said howdy and he loves her and misses her. Still disappointed by the fact that the Simpsons saw two James Cagney movies without him, Bart asks Hitler, “Adolf, why ain’t you gonna show them American movies in Germany?” Hitler says, “Ve only show propaganda mofies here.” Bart sighs, puts several stamps on the envelope and says, “I’m goin’ to the post office.” He walks down the street to the Deutsche Reichspost, where he mails his letter to his family. (Bart is with Hitler for continuity purposes in the storyline. I don't like Hitler; never have, never will!) Just then, Bart wakes up from his dream.
...Skip ahead three months and one conversation later...
Just then, Homer comes in and asks his two children, “Hey, Bart and Lisa, didja know that we’re gonna see the Marx Brothers’ new movie, Animal Crackers, somewhere in the UK, Canada, or the US?" Bart asks smartly, “Who hired you to be a spokesperson if you dunno whatcha talking ‘bout?” Lisa says, “Dad, that isn’t till September. The Marx Brothers are probably shooting Animal Crackers right now.” Homer asks with misunderstanding, “They’re shooting animal crackers?!” He becomes worried as he imagines the Marx Brothers shooting animal crackers with guns and rifles. Lisa says, “No, I mean they’re probably filming their new movie, Animal Crackers. You should already get what I mean.” Bart asks, “If what Dad said was true, then which of those three places that he mentioned are we going to?” Lisa says, “All of them, I guess.” Bart beams and asks, “Can we see a James Cagney movie too?” Homer says, “Sure we can, boy, but it depends if either your mother or I are going.” Lisa says, “I think Mom’s going with us. I’m not really sure but I think that there’s a 90 percent chance she is.” Bart says, “She’s still gonna let us go see a James Cagney movie. In 1935, she took us to see A Midsummer Night’s Dream and G-Men after we saw A Night at the Opera and Mutiny on the Bounty
. ‘Course she puts her hands on Maggie’s eyes during G-Men but she thought A Midsummer Night’s Dream was child-friendly. Oh wait, during the shooting scenes in G-Men, Raphael took Maggie out to the Fox movie house to see a Shirley Temple movie.” Homer says, “But Bart, A Midsummer Night’s Dream is a Shakespeare play, so it has fruity Middle English language.” Bart says, “I still think it’s a fairytale.” Lisa says firmly, “Bart, the movie A Midsummer Night’s Dream was an adapted version of the original Shakespeare play so therefore, it had that old Shakespearean language in it, which Maggie didn’t understand and neither did you! You didn’t even understand what James Cagney was saying!” Bart says, “Yeah, but it had fairies in it; therefore, it was a fairytale! ‘Sides, Hansel and Gretel is translated from German and it sounds like it’s in Middle English. Anyway, who did Jimmy Cagney play in A Midsummer Night’s Dream again?” Lisa says, “He played Bottom the weaver. He was the one whom Mickey Rooney as Puck turned into an ass.” Both Bart and Homer roll over laughing, making Lisa regret the fact that she said ass. Just then, Maggie crawls in and says, “No Cag’ey movies!” Homer says to his baby daughter, “Don’t worry, Maggie; Mommy won’t make you watch that meanie James Cagney when she takes you guys to see Animal Crackers this summer.” Bart asks, “Why doesn’t Maggie wanna see a Jimmy Cagney movie?” Lisa says, “You know why, Bart: It’s ‘cause she’s afraid of him! Even though Cagney can also be funny, romantic, or musical, Maggie is still afraid of him ‘cause she doesn’t understand his jokes, and neither does she understand his romantic approaches nor does she pay attention when he dances.”

[1] Scene skipped: After Calvin drops her off at the Simpsons’ home, Priscilla finds a stressed out Homer and Marge sitting at the kitchen table. She says to them, “Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, I’ll take it from here. (Homer and Marge become confused by her presence) Your children and my siblings went to them movies to see a James Cagney movie which I ain’t s’pposed to see so I decided to stay here and help y’all.” Homer says gratefully, “Oh thank you, Priscilla!! Now we can have time to ourselves!” Marge asks her, “Are ya sure you can handle ‘em, honey? They’s can be quite a handful.” Priscilla says, “’Tis no problem.”


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