My Imagination Story which includes Cagney Part 2

Marge says, “Millions of people will be rushing to the bank before they shut down to rescue their savings.” Homer says, “And if they don’t get their money, that’s their loss! They’ll suffer in the Depression.” Grampa says, “The Great Depression didn’t just affect the US; it affected the whole world, especially Germany.” Raphael says, “That’s right, Abe; and that gives Hitler an advantage.” Lisa says, “I expect that you remember something from the Great Depression, Grampa.” Grampa says, “Well, I did grift a lot.” Bart says, “Yeah, I heard a lot of people did that back then.” Marge says, “You didn’t grift during the Depression, Grampa. You were probably a young boy during that time. Maybe you remember being evicted from your home or not having enough money to buy new clothes.” Homer says, “Maybe you remember the milkman or FDR’s speeches or five-and-ten stores.” Grampa says, “Maybe I do and maybe I don’t…I do.” The Simpsons gather around to listen to Grampa’s personal anecdotes of the Great Depression. Two months later (December), during Hitler’s Christmas party at the Hofbrauhaus, Bart, drunk from the many eggnogs he drank, wanders the streets of Munich while looking for James Cagney (he won’t have any success finding Cagney since the actor is in New York or someplace else in the US). Lisa goes out looking for her brother and finds him throwing up in the Mariensplatz. She approaches him and says, “Oh, Bart. Let’s get you back to Hitler at the Hofbrauhaus.” Seven days later, the year 1930 is born. Bart says to Maggie, “Happy New Year, Maggie! But it ain’t gonna be a Happy New Year for some people. Suckers!” Subsequently, the Simpson children go outside and play in the snow (they are at Haus Wachenfeld). Lisa shouts, “Snowball fight!” She picks up a handful of snow and balls it into a snowball. She then throws the snowball at an unaware Bart and it hits him in the face. Lisa laughs, “Ha-ha, Bart! I got you good!” Bart says, “You are so gonna get it, Lise!” He collects a huge handful of snow and balls it into a great, big snowball. He then throws the snowball at Lisa, but unfortunately for him, Lisa ducks as the snowball flies towards her. The snowball flies over Lisa’s head and hits Homer, who is pulling Maggie around on a sled, in the butt instead. Homer shrieks in surprise while Bart and Lisa laugh in amusement (the typical Simpson image). Lisa says, “Way to go, Bart! Although you missed me, it was still a pretty nice shot!” Homer shouts wrathfully, “Bart threw that snowball!? (To Bart) Why you little…!” Bart says to his sister angrily, “Lisa, you blew my cover! Now Homer’s gonna get me!” Next, Homer chases Bart in a rage, aiming to strangle for his misdemeanor (as Homer always does); the father and son literally circumvent the grounds around Haus Wachenfeld during their chase. Lisa and Maggie sit on the steps of the villa and watch their angry father—or mad dad—chase their brother repeatedly in a circle (Raphael is sick with the flu and is therefore inside in bed). A week later, Grampa stops hanging out with two of his grandchildren and the Nazis; in fact, he is replaced with Homer. Bart says to his friends, “Guys, my grandfather ain’t gonna hang out with us anymore. Instead, my father Homer is gonna hang out with us from now on.” Hitler and the Nazis murmur to each other with agreement. Homer says to his son, “Listen, boy, ‘cause I’m now with you and the Nazis, you’re mine to strangle and push around!” Bart says, “Do your worse! Hitler’s got my back! (To Hitler) Ain’t that true, Adolf? Don’t you have my back?” Unsure of what Bart’s slang means, Hitler asks, “What?” Bart asks, “Oh, I’m sorry. Perhaps you ain’t familiar with my street slang? Or maybe you ain’t seen a gangster film? I mean, do you support me?” Hitler says, “Yes, of course I do. But may I ask what I’m supporting you in or on? I’m a little confused about this.” Bart says, “I’m sorry; I said the wrong thing. I meant are you gonna protect me when my father tries to strangle me?” Hitler says, “Yes, of course I will. My men will compress him if he ever tries to touch you in such a way.” Bart smirks at Homer and sticks his tongue out at him. Homer angrily gets ready to strangle his son and says, “Why you little…!” However, two Storm Troopers hold him back by the arms. Bart says to himself, “I have gotta stop thinking about James Cagney whenever Homer does that.” Surprisingly, Homer hears him and asks in fury, “What didja say about me?” Bart growls and shouts in frustration, “I wasn’t talking ‘bout you! I was talking ‘bout James Cagney!” Homer asks, “Oh, James Cagney, eh? You probably admire James Cagney more than you admire me, do ya? (Bart crosses his arms, rolls his eyes and doesn’t answer him) Well, do ya?” Bart says pensively, “Hmm…’Bout the same. I admire lotsa people, Dad: Adolf Hitler, Itchy & Scratchy, Krusty the Clown, Harpo Marx, James Cagney, and you. Even though James Cagney does cool things like shoot people, he doesn’t get away with things like you and Harpo do. You’ve seen his movies where he goes to prison.” Homer says, “Uh, Bart, the crimes James Cagney does in his movies are more serious than the crimes Harpo and I do. Besides, he doesn’t go to prison in all of his movies…” Hitler says, “We’re going to leave you two alone now. (To the Storm Troopers holding Homer) Men, let go of Herr Simpson.” The Storm Troopers obey their Führer and release Homer from their clutches. As soon as Hitler and the Nazis leave, Homer continues to his son, “Anyway, as I was saying, James Cagney doesn’t go to prison in all of his movies. Like in Footlight Parade, he didn’t even play a criminal; in fact, he played a producer of musicals.” Bart says, “I remember ‘em being prologues of some sort. I oughta check with Raphael on that.” Homer says, “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, you wanna hear a story about James Cagney? (Bart nods his head eagerly)…” Homer continues, “…Well, you know how Lisa and I traveled to the US in March 1935 to go to Salt Lake City, UT, to see the Marx Brothers test A Night at the Opera on the road? Anyhoo, after meeting the Marx Brothers while seeing their many shows in that city for half a week, we took a train to Los Angeles since we we weren’t gonna go there with you in 1936 or 1937. In LA, we went to the Pico Drive-in Theater to see a James Cagney movie ‘cause we felt like it (it was so nice to be in that warm California weather after being in that freezing Utah weather). Luckily, they gave us a double-feature, which was two Cagney pictures from 1934, I think—Jimmy the Gent and Here Comes the Navy-.” Bart interrupts him, “Wait a minute! You went to a James Cagney movie without me? Oh my God, Dad! Where didja and Lisa sit at the drive-in if you didn’t have a car?” Homer says, “Easy! We sat on the rooftop of someone’s car through the entire two movies while eating snacks from the concession stands. Once the movies were both over, we immediately left the drive-in. Since you can only drive in LA, we decided to hitchhike along the streets heading into Culver City. Unfortunately, our hitchhiking idea failed. (I even told Lisa to imitate Claudette Colbert in the famous hitchhiking scene from It Happened One Night to attract the drivers. But she protested, saying that adult male drivers would not be attracted by a child’s legs.) At that moment, we saw a car park in front of a store near us. And can you guess who got outta that car: Who else but the great James Cagney!?” Bart stares at him in disbelief and asks, “You saw James Cagney in person!? (Stomps his feet indignantly) Dammit! I’m so jealous!” Homer says, “And ‘course, Bart, your very thoughtful sister Lisa ran up to Cagney to get his autograph for you but he went into the store before she could catch him. So we hid in the backseat of James Cagney’s car and waited for him to come out. When Jimmy Cagney did come outside to his car, he didn’t really see us as he got into the driver’s seat…” Homer continues, “…He then started his car and started driving somewhere. But we didn’t know where he was driving to ‘cause we were practically under the seat and couldn’t look out the window. In a short time, we stopped somewhere. We waited till Cagney was outta the car to see where we were. Once Cagney got outta the car, we discovered we were at the Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank so we decided to follow Cagney to whatever soundstage his movie was being filmed on. We followed him very secretly to the soundstage where we discovered they were filming G-Men-.” Bart interrupts him impatiently, “Get to the part where Lisa finally gets James Cagney’s autograph for God’s sake!” Homer says, “Hold your horses! I’m getting to that part! Anyhoo, we stood by James Cagney’s trailer and waited for him. He was surprised to see us when he came out. We introduced ourselves and explained to him how we got here by stowing away in his car. He was pretty nice about it ‘stead of getting mad about the way he usually does in his films. Lisa then asked him for his autographs. He gave her two autographs: One for her and one for you.” Bart says, “And that autograph holds a special place in my scrapbook: Right on the same page as the Marx Brothers’ autographs.” He opens his scrapbook and turns to the page containing James Cagney’s and the Marx Brothers’ autographs. Homer says, “Anyway, James Cagney invited us to stay and watch the filming of G-Men. It was a fun experience.” Bart says, “In September 1936, when Grampa, Raphael, and I went to Los Angeles to see the filming of the Marx Brothers movie A Day at the Races, Harpo took us to the Pico Drive-In Theater in Los Angeles to see two James Cagney movies from 1934, I think—The St. Louis Kid and He Was Her Man. It was after Irving Thalberg died, and filming of A Day at the Races halted.” Homer says, “Did Harpo like the movies?” Bart says, “He thought The St. Louis Kid was pretty funny. But he wasn’t very fond of He Was Her Man. Anyhoo, when I came back to Los Angeles—this time, with Mom and Maggie—in January 1937 to watch the rest of the filming of A Day at the Races, Harpo Marx took us back to the Pico Drive-In Theater in Los Angeles…” Bart continues, “…One day after filming in early February to see a James Cagney movie from 1933, I think, and another one from 1932, I think—Lady Killer and The Crowd Roars. I ‘member then that we ain’t seen Lady Killer afore in the theaters ‘cause I ain’t seen it afore then. And I ain’t seen The Crowd Roars afore then either.” Homer says, “Really? I thought we saw all of the 1933 James Cagney movies.” Bart says, “That’s what I thought too but I guess not. Anyhoo, when you told me that you and Lisa went to a drive-in theater in Los Angeles to see those two James Cagney movies from 1934…” Bart continues, “…I shoulda known that you guys sat on the rooftop of a car ‘cause that’s what you and I did at the Valley Stream Drive-In Theater on Long Island, NY…” Bart continues, “…When we saw a sweet James Cagney movie from 1938, I think—Angels with Dirty Faces…” Bart continues, “…Raphael and Lisa were sitting on another car rooftop and they kept covering Maggie’s eyes during the shooting scenes.” Homer asks, “Wasn’t that after we had seen At the Circus and The Wizard of Oz at an MGM moviehouse in New York City?” Bart says, “Yes, Dad. It was back in October 1939. And don’t forget that we saw The Roaring Twenties and Each Dawn I Die at the Warner Brothers moviehouse in New York City too. We went to the one on Delancey Street.” Homer says, “That’s right! You wanted to see The Oklahoma Kid but we ended up seeing The Roaring Twenties ‘cause Raphael said James Cagney wouldn’t look good in a Western.” Bart says, “Yes but still, fuck what Raphael said! Even if it did suck, it woulda been cool to see James Cagney as a bandit cowboy.” Just then, Lisa approaches her father and brother and says to the latter, “Remember, Bart, you owe me big ‘cause of that autograph from James Cagney.” Bart asks her, “Really? What do I owe you?” Lisa says, “Oh, you don’t know, do you? You owe me a trip around Hollywood and Beverly Hills to see all the movie stars the next time we go to Los Angeles! Lesser-known stars don’t count!” Bart asks, “Can you tell Raphael that he still owes me a trip to the movies to see The Oklahoma Kid?” Lisa says, “That movie hasn’t been made yet, Bart. It won’t be made till 1939.” At that moment, Raphael comes in and says, “It’s hard to believe that we’re now in the ‘30s after being stuck in the ‘20s all this time. (To Bart) Bart, I’ll take you to see The Oklahoma Kid and Torrid Zone in the next TTA.” Bart asks, “Huh? Oh right! You know everything we talk about.” Lisa says to Homer, “Dad, it’s gonna be weird without you being with us. (To herself) Wait a minute! That doesn’t seem like correct grammar.” Homer says to her, “Don’t worry, sweetie; just be good to your mother and everything will seem normal.”


More Coming Soon